The question of giving up is something which surrounds our lives. Affecting all corners of our existence from the romantic, professional, and political the question of when to give up and when to keep going is one of the most difficult. In times of extreme distress and illness this also makes us question life itself. This is the decision which shapes our lives.
Some may say there is joy in giving up. Shadi Hamid on Wisdom of Crowds made a reasonable argument on how we should identify when to give up and even find joy in it. Shadi links democracy to the act of giving up in the act of the political as democracy entails acknowledging when your project has been defeated by the masses even if just at that particular moment. On a deeper level for Shadi this entails ‘settling’. Giving up then cannot merely be conceived as a project of recognising defeat but recognising that our maximalist desires cannot be pursued further.
We can also just give up. Period. In this circumstance, we’re struggling with something and resisting defeat. But at some point, after a long battle with reality, we concede that the ability to change the outcome is out of our hands. As Adam Phillips pithily puts it in the appropriately titled On Giving Up: “We give things up when we believe we can change; we give up when we believe we can’t.”
I’m enchanted by the idea of giving up, which is why I’ve been attracted to related notions of defeat, futility, and the courageous if not exactly advisable act of committing oneself to a cause even after it has been lost.
As a philosophical realist this notion intuitively appeals. Too often philosophers, artists and political theorists are too idealist. Demanding notions of the good which simply don’t interact with the conditions of the world in which we live. By doing so it makes their thinking easier. To sit on a mountain of ‘ought’s’ and look down upon the plain of ‘is’s’ is not philosophising it is intellectual moralising. Engaging with the practical and the real is grubby hard work but necessary.
It is in part why I so admire Thomas Hobbes. Despite my best efforts my students over the past five years have generally not loved Hobbes. Seeing him as an authoritarian seeking unlimited executive power they generally have viewed him with little more than disdain. However, I do not take this view of Hobbes, I prefer the alternative reading offered by Leo Strauss offering Hobbes up as the ‘first liberal’. Indeed, we can see the types of limits Hobbes offers on the sovereign in works such as his Commentary on the laws and De Cive where the sovereign is practically limited in what they can do.
Ultimately, I see Hobbes as a wonderful example of a philosophical realist. Engaging with the circumstances of his time and constructing an alternative which could guarantee safety, security, peace and community Hobbes sought a better world. It may be said Hobbes gave up on human nature to be good but perhaps his long life had taught him that it was mere wishful thinking to expect us to get along naturally. The same cannot be said of Rousseau who’s philosophy inspired the French revolution which was an immense act of butchery whether it was the precursor to the modern world or not.
The desire for something better without engaging with the world around is littered with dangers. These do not necessarily need to be political but enter the realm of the personal. How many stories have we seen of those seeking body perfection ending up damaging themselves in the process? Body building with steroids, Athletes going on too long and those who desire to be thin harming themselves with diet pills the list is absolutely endless.
Oftentimes we label such activities as byproducts of a wider illness. Perhaps that is correct or maybe they are succoured into a maximalist delusion and will take risks to achieve it. Maximalist desires are inherently dangerous precisely because we rationalise behaviours in order to achieve the goal. We can do bad things; know they are bad but find reasonable excuses as to why that behaviour will eventually lead to a greater goal.
Settling therefore makes for a more achievable goal that comports to reality rather than delusion. Yet, settling is something many of us who aren’t maximalists find difficult to reconcile with ourselves. Speaking for myself, I have trained for over 10 years to become an academic in political theory. I have a job that is about to finish and no extension. As a result I am now seeking other forms of work as well as academia. To say it has been a bitter pill to swallow would be an understatement. For the past months I have been kept up in bed fearing and fretting about giving up something I love, something I have worked for, something I have desired for over a decade.
Settling therefore becomes a more difficult task than it may look on the surface. At what point do we identify giving up? Are there some things we shouldn’t give up on such as seeking a person to love which is surely man’s highest and most noble goal. Sometimes giving up is an act of desperation not of self-fulfilment and we should be cautious when advocating it as a path to peace. Instead, giving up can merely lead to deeper troubles down the road.
This post reminds me of a student I had many years ago (I tutored in a bunch of areas, across Science, Arts and Law) who had difficulty reading and comprehending written English (her only language). She was doing a highly language intensive degree and failing. I felt that this was a situation where one should give up. She’d failed one subject four times. She wouldn’t get assessed to see if there was a problem with dyslexia or some other information processing problem. I said to her at that time, “I can’t run a race. I don’t make myself run with professionals. Also, I know I can’t compete with non-disabled people, and I seek help from physios and doctors.” I did get her through the subject - with a lot of verbal tutoring and mnemonics - but I often wonder - what happened to her? It didn’t seem to me that she should keep bashing her head against a wall. There’s this idea that “you can do anything if you try.” As someone who has been disabled since birth, I can tell you this is both true and false. I can do a lot more than people expect simply because I try and really work hard, and push the boundaries. On the other hand, there are some things I can never do precisely because I am disabled, and sometimes I injure myself because I push too hard. It’s okay to give up sometimes. I can settle for that.