The question of giving up is something which surrounds our lives. Affecting all corners of our existence from the romantic, professional, and political the question of when to give up and when to keep going is one of the most difficult. In times of extreme distress and illness this also makes us question life itself. This is the decision which shapes our lives.
This post reminds me of a student I had many years ago (I tutored in a bunch of areas, across Science, Arts and Law) who had difficulty reading and comprehending written English (her only language). She was doing a highly language intensive degree and failing. I felt that this was a situation where one should give up. She’d failed one subject four times. She wouldn’t get assessed to see if there was a problem with dyslexia or some other information processing problem. I said to her at that time, “I can’t run a race. I don’t make myself run with professionals. Also, I know I can’t compete with non-disabled people, and I seek help from physios and doctors.” I did get her through the subject - with a lot of verbal tutoring and mnemonics - but I often wonder - what happened to her? It didn’t seem to me that she should keep bashing her head against a wall. There’s this idea that “you can do anything if you try.” As someone who has been disabled since birth, I can tell you this is both true and false. I can do a lot more than people expect simply because I try and really work hard, and push the boundaries. On the other hand, there are some things I can never do precisely because I am disabled, and sometimes I injure myself because I push too hard. It’s okay to give up sometimes. I can settle for that.
Thanks for sharing your story Katy! Yeah, I tend to think knowing our limitations is important and not everyone can do everything. I’m really dyspraxic so obviously I could try and make a fine painting every day of my life and never succeed. But, I can perhaps write a half-decent book with enough time and effort put in.
I do think this all relates closely to our desires though. What do we see ourselves as and when do we recognise to give up the ghost? Perhaps in some ways being disadvantaged from birth helps us translate our desires into practical actions?
So I think it was a blessing in a way. I knew I was limited in some ways, and talented in others. Like you, I can write a book (hopefully half decent). Why not concentrate on the skills which are useful? (Also FWIW I am so dyspraxic I constantly walk into walls and doors. I have done this in front of a class. Let us never speak of it again.)
Yes I think this is correct on the skills front. I think 'giving up' and knowing when to 'settle' becomes more difficult when not related to skills. When they are desires that form a core and essential part of ourselves and how others perceive us. Perhaps romantic attachment is a good example of this. Although, I guess, someone could truly desire to be a novelist for instance and just simply not be gifted enough to ever be published as one.
I hope the students were kind about the clumsiness! For me I have an issue remembering everyone's names and I'm always awkward with space perception i.e., moving around the classroom and bumping into chairs or people haha.
Oh goodness, I am awkward with chairs, desks, everything. I told the students on my first class - I am a klutz and an academic stereotype. They were very kind about it.
So I was also thinking about - when did I give up on my academic union? That was hard, right? I’d been involved for 17 years, passionately.
And definitely with romantic relationships, there comes a point… But when is that? It can be hard to judge.
I think around those things most people don't mind fortunately. I told all my students that I probably won't remember their name and that's because I really struggle with things like that. I've never had a complaint and we made it collectively a source of amusement as I sometimes got names mixed up between students.
Exactly... knowing when to give up is difficult and it's even harder as an act i think to decide to settle. To know that you won't get what you desire and accept something else. It strikes me that this comes as an inevitability for everyone at some point and perhaps even a good thing sometimes but it can also be catastrophic for some.
This post reminds me of a student I had many years ago (I tutored in a bunch of areas, across Science, Arts and Law) who had difficulty reading and comprehending written English (her only language). She was doing a highly language intensive degree and failing. I felt that this was a situation where one should give up. She’d failed one subject four times. She wouldn’t get assessed to see if there was a problem with dyslexia or some other information processing problem. I said to her at that time, “I can’t run a race. I don’t make myself run with professionals. Also, I know I can’t compete with non-disabled people, and I seek help from physios and doctors.” I did get her through the subject - with a lot of verbal tutoring and mnemonics - but I often wonder - what happened to her? It didn’t seem to me that she should keep bashing her head against a wall. There’s this idea that “you can do anything if you try.” As someone who has been disabled since birth, I can tell you this is both true and false. I can do a lot more than people expect simply because I try and really work hard, and push the boundaries. On the other hand, there are some things I can never do precisely because I am disabled, and sometimes I injure myself because I push too hard. It’s okay to give up sometimes. I can settle for that.
Thanks for sharing your story Katy! Yeah, I tend to think knowing our limitations is important and not everyone can do everything. I’m really dyspraxic so obviously I could try and make a fine painting every day of my life and never succeed. But, I can perhaps write a half-decent book with enough time and effort put in.
I do think this all relates closely to our desires though. What do we see ourselves as and when do we recognise to give up the ghost? Perhaps in some ways being disadvantaged from birth helps us translate our desires into practical actions?
So I think it was a blessing in a way. I knew I was limited in some ways, and talented in others. Like you, I can write a book (hopefully half decent). Why not concentrate on the skills which are useful? (Also FWIW I am so dyspraxic I constantly walk into walls and doors. I have done this in front of a class. Let us never speak of it again.)
Yes I think this is correct on the skills front. I think 'giving up' and knowing when to 'settle' becomes more difficult when not related to skills. When they are desires that form a core and essential part of ourselves and how others perceive us. Perhaps romantic attachment is a good example of this. Although, I guess, someone could truly desire to be a novelist for instance and just simply not be gifted enough to ever be published as one.
I hope the students were kind about the clumsiness! For me I have an issue remembering everyone's names and I'm always awkward with space perception i.e., moving around the classroom and bumping into chairs or people haha.
Oh goodness, I am awkward with chairs, desks, everything. I told the students on my first class - I am a klutz and an academic stereotype. They were very kind about it.
So I was also thinking about - when did I give up on my academic union? That was hard, right? I’d been involved for 17 years, passionately.
And definitely with romantic relationships, there comes a point… But when is that? It can be hard to judge.
I think around those things most people don't mind fortunately. I told all my students that I probably won't remember their name and that's because I really struggle with things like that. I've never had a complaint and we made it collectively a source of amusement as I sometimes got names mixed up between students.
Exactly... knowing when to give up is difficult and it's even harder as an act i think to decide to settle. To know that you won't get what you desire and accept something else. It strikes me that this comes as an inevitability for everyone at some point and perhaps even a good thing sometimes but it can also be catastrophic for some.